Rosemary and Michael.

While one is the reason for me existing, since if she hadn't made my mom I wouldn't be here and the other is the reason for me to actually enjoy music and see past the hype they have both influenced me in such an extreme way. It sucks to have to write a blog about people that are amazing. My Grandma Rosemary and Michael Jackson have passed on.

Rosemary Dornners Neal was born on January 9, 1937. Amazing funny, smart, beautiful, stylish and a God seeking/fearing woman leaves a legacy of being honest and being a good friend.
Michael Jackson was born on August 29, 1958. He was/is the most influential pop star. Thriller is still the number one selling album of all time. He leaves a legacy of endurance and music.

I am sad to have in a months time lost two very influential people. My Grandma is apart of me forever. She was a no holds bar woman that told it like it is. She was upfront and honest and to me that is so much more important then being timid and "nice." People will remember her for being able to give sound advice that would not fall on deaf ears I love you Grandma.

Michael Jackson is my favorite artist of all time. When I listened to all of Off the Wall I actually cried. The entire album is beautiful, funny enough Michael was shocked that Thriller did better than Off the Wall and I can understand why. No matter what people say about him you can not deny his talent. My favorite song of course is Rock With You. When I dance and sing to it it puts me in a place that is just wonderful. However I can't help it is amazing. I know many will mourn this loss. And I will also. I am happy that I have memories for both of these very influential beautiful people. I pray for the Jackson family, friends and fans. This is very hard but we will pull through. So here is I can't help it...

No Day But Today

So tonight I had the opportunity to go see Rent with my friend Tara. She had told me that if we could we should see it tonight and tomorrow night. I said sure! Then she sent me a text saying she was mega tired and would I mind if we just go tomorrow since we already had tickets. I said that is fine and I would see her later. Then I went downtown to buy shoes and possibly a bra. Found awesome shoes at payless (had the BOGO sale) and was making my way home. Tara called me and was asking if I would want to go, I told her I was still downtown, she lives downtown near the theater, so I told her I could be at her house VERY soon because I was one block away. When we got there a lady actually gave us one ticket for FREE! Then the only problem was we needed one more and preferably next to one another. Tara is in a wheelchair and so we needed to find an accessible seat for her. That was tricky all of the balcony cheap seats were sold out and they only had the mezzanine seats for $72 bucks. We both decided NO that is way too expensive. So now we are standing there with one ticket trying to give it away when the caller guy comes out and says we did have options. She and I decided no to those options but then one of the manager guys said he could figure something out. Well we had awesome mezzanine seats for only $45 bucks and had an amazing time. I love musical theater and today was a real crap day for me. Just felt low and sad. But seeing Rent with 2 of the original cast members, Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal, was amazing. I had n amazing time with Tara and can't wait to go again. That is all for now. Here is a nice treat. Enjoy!
Love
Pam

It's my birthday!!

So today is my birthday. I am 26 (twenty-six) years old. It is weird for multiple reasons. 1) I don't look my age at all and so the aging process has not hit me that I am 4 years away from 30. 2) 25 was kind of a crappy time for me. I broke up with my boyfriend, one of my classes sucked (the prof was a jerk) and my Grandmother died. 3) When I think about what I wanted to be or be doing at this age it is not it. Originally I was going to be a pediatric surgeon, marry Kent Gough and have kids by the age of 26, now this was when I was 16-17. Wow has life changed. Kent Who? #1 and I realize I am not mature enough to be someone's wife. However it is weird because I feel satisfied and terrified with my life. As I told you, I am looking at pursuing a career in fashion, be it a stylist, public relations, merchandiser or a buyer, I think I should really figure out (just a little) what I want to do with my life. So when people ask me what I do I say I am a student and then I explain that I am a research assistant. However this journey into academics has provided me with some tasty food for thought. I don't know if I want to be an academic. I am passionate about helping people, I have always wanted to "make a difference" in this space time continuum I inhabit. However I realized, after doing a year of service, that unfortunately even if you have all the good intentions to help make the world a better place, if it is not your calling then don't do it. IT is not worth losing your peace of mind just so you can prove you are a kind giving individual. I also had the opportunity to speak with a woman who is a travel writer for Lonely Planet, and I presented to her my dilemma. She said I could probably still do a world of good if I decide to follow my passion.
Now as I write this things pop in my head. 1) I give my time at church and do enjoy volunteering. 2) I think I will be a better human being if I follow my passions. I won't be grumpy or testy in particular situations. I do know that I am proud that I am being proactive in this situation. Example? Why yes! I asked my friend Misun to ask her friend Mona if she would be willing to speak to me and possibly work with her, you see Mona is a Denver designer and boutique owner. So I thought about it and prayed and decided to write Mona an email. Unfortunately Grandma passed away so my focus changed. But I did have sometime when I was in Nashville I wrote her an email(I feel I already wrote about this, but whatever). So after writing her and having my sisters proof it, and my sister Danielle, who is also a designer, I sent it to her and we are going to set up a time to meet next week.
So maybe 26 won't be so bad! I explained to her that I want to see the business aspects of fashion, I really want to have experience in all aspects, from fashion shows to merchandising in the store. I think I sold myself very well and now I have the possibility of working in fashion and being able to build my resume. I am so excited. Now back to my birthday! I am perplexed on what to do! I have no idea. I think I will call my friends and see if they want to go to dinner. That would be nice. Now what restaurant? Hmm... I feel birthdays are wonderful times to spend with friends and family. And since my friends become family I feel it would be a nice thing to hang with some of them. Well that is all. Happy Birthday to ME!
Love you all!
Pam

Here is Stevie Wonder's Happy Birthday!

Sad times in Nashville,TN

Hello to all in blogging-ville. This blog is not happy or witty. Just sad. So my Grandmother has had many complications for the past 6-ish months, my mother flew down to Nashville,that is where my Grandma lives, to take care of her and persuade her to move to CT so that she could be in the care of family. Anyways, in April we were told she had 6 months left to live. We were sad but felt that at least we could be with her, say our goodbyes etc. Well that did not happen. She passed this last Saturday. I had already bought my ticket to make my way to see her when my sister called and told me that Grandma had passed and was with the Lord. I am happy and of course sad because I love my Grandma. I wanted to talk to her, hug her and tell her I love her before her time on the earth was done. So now I am sad because while my 2 sisters and Mom had a chance to say goodbye I was not able to that. Makes me sad for that and the fact that she has passed on but happy because she was suffering.
Anyways, now we are in Nashville and it just doesnot seem right. Grandma should be here. We should be making her, her coffee with lots of milk and laughing with her. Instead we are here to mourn her because we have lost a really awesome lady!
Anyways on a happy note, I will be interviewing with a friend of my friend Misun. She is a designer and boutique owner in Denver and hopefully I will be able to intern/assist her so I can learn about the fashion industry.
So anyways that is life. I have never handled loss with "dignity" smiling quaintly and being just a pleasure to be around. It is hard and I have learned that accepting these feelings is important. I know some people in my family don't see it that way but from years of dealing with losing people you love, letting the grief, annoyance and anger (for ME) works. It allows me to be miserable and to realize that it is ok. I have that right, why do I say this? Well I think some people have been programmed or socialized to put true emotions at arms length away from themselves. But I have learned that when you do this it will just fester inside and you will become bitter and resentful and it will express it self later when you don't realize it. So I accept that I am pissed off, my Grandmother is not alive. I did not get to talk to her or say goodbye. I am upset with myself and just in general. And I accept and allow these feelings to be apart of me. Random yes but there it is. So if anyone ever reads this and is going through loss; be it death, a lost love, failed friendship/relationship anything I have learned that it is ok to acknowledge those feelings and then begin to heal, not rushing the process, because you need to make others feel comfortable but for yourself, because then and only then can you be a complete human being. So there you go. Here are a few websites that I have been looking at to help me with my losses!
Love
Pam

http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/publications/allpubs/Ken-01-0104/default.asp

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm

http://www.webmd.com/balance/tc/grief-and-grieving-topic-overview