Sad times in Nashville,TN

Hello to all in blogging-ville. This blog is not happy or witty. Just sad. So my Grandmother has had many complications for the past 6-ish months, my mother flew down to Nashville,that is where my Grandma lives, to take care of her and persuade her to move to CT so that she could be in the care of family. Anyways, in April we were told she had 6 months left to live. We were sad but felt that at least we could be with her, say our goodbyes etc. Well that did not happen. She passed this last Saturday. I had already bought my ticket to make my way to see her when my sister called and told me that Grandma had passed and was with the Lord. I am happy and of course sad because I love my Grandma. I wanted to talk to her, hug her and tell her I love her before her time on the earth was done. So now I am sad because while my 2 sisters and Mom had a chance to say goodbye I was not able to that. Makes me sad for that and the fact that she has passed on but happy because she was suffering.
Anyways, now we are in Nashville and it just doesnot seem right. Grandma should be here. We should be making her, her coffee with lots of milk and laughing with her. Instead we are here to mourn her because we have lost a really awesome lady!
Anyways on a happy note, I will be interviewing with a friend of my friend Misun. She is a designer and boutique owner in Denver and hopefully I will be able to intern/assist her so I can learn about the fashion industry.
So anyways that is life. I have never handled loss with "dignity" smiling quaintly and being just a pleasure to be around. It is hard and I have learned that accepting these feelings is important. I know some people in my family don't see it that way but from years of dealing with losing people you love, letting the grief, annoyance and anger (for ME) works. It allows me to be miserable and to realize that it is ok. I have that right, why do I say this? Well I think some people have been programmed or socialized to put true emotions at arms length away from themselves. But I have learned that when you do this it will just fester inside and you will become bitter and resentful and it will express it self later when you don't realize it. So I accept that I am pissed off, my Grandmother is not alive. I did not get to talk to her or say goodbye. I am upset with myself and just in general. And I accept and allow these feelings to be apart of me. Random yes but there it is. So if anyone ever reads this and is going through loss; be it death, a lost love, failed friendship/relationship anything I have learned that it is ok to acknowledge those feelings and then begin to heal, not rushing the process, because you need to make others feel comfortable but for yourself, because then and only then can you be a complete human being. So there you go. Here are a few websites that I have been looking at to help me with my losses!
Love
Pam

http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/publications/allpubs/Ken-01-0104/default.asp

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm

http://www.webmd.com/balance/tc/grief-and-grieving-topic-overview